May 28, 2022
Batangas, Philippines

Disclaimer: All views expressed on this blog are my own based on my own experiences and do not represent of any entity with which I have been, are now or will be affiliated

Many of us idealize love in our culture. It is a panacea for all of life’s ills. Even Disney films suggest that it is the ultimate aim, the solution for all misery. Because we idealize love, we make up stories in our heads before it even begins, and our relationships suffer as a result.

When I think of the tragic relationships I’ve heard or witnessed, many of them began on the basis of emotion – they felt the spark, they felt secure because the guy promised her safety, they felt pressed because they were getting older.

It’s tough. We’re taught to look on the bright side of life and be optimistic, but guys aren’t as complicated as we’d like to think they are. I’ve heard a lot of reasons from guys and other people who thought these confusing messages meant something else: “I’m busy,” “Things are really crazy right now,” “Texting isn’t used anymore,” and all that blah blah blah bullshit. Men act like they aren’t driven by sex, but they are. They didn’t want to have to tell you, “You are not the one.” Still, the fact is that even though they might not say it, they show it all the time. When they have your number but don’t call you anymore, you know he’s not the one for you either, girl. Look for someone else.

There is just one guideline I follow now when it comes to dating: my reality is more important than any guy’s excuses. Instead than basing my decision on how much I like the individual, I consider how they make me feel.

I made this blog so people could see these reasons for what they are: really stupid ones. And the more you care about yourself, the more likely it is that you’ll get it. So, read these reasons, laugh at them, and put them to rest. All of us are worth it. I hope you find the right guy, because he’ll be so worth it.

1.”I’m really busy”

I’m about to make a very strict relationship rule: The word “busy” is most often used by jerks. It’s a bad excuse. Don’t get me wrong, we all have busy days, but know that men are not too busy to get what they want. They will find a way. They are busy doing something they think is more important than spending time with you. You are not their top priority, and they are not interested in you. So, go live your life and find someone else who can give you what you want.

2. “We are just hanging out”/”We are just friends”

There are so many different ways to date, especially when a relationship is just starting out. So much uncertainty and no clear answers. Men love this time because they can pretend they aren’t really dating you and that they aren’t responsible for how you feel. When someone asks you out on a real date, it’s a legal way of saying, “I’d like to see you alone to see if we have a romantic future together.” If you need more hints, it actually involves a public excursion, a meal, and flirty conversation.

Be careful with the word “friend.” Men and women often use it to explain away their least friendly actions. I like the ones who don’t make me cry to sleep, who pick me up and make me feel safe, who text me and call me and, of course, make plans with me. I call those people my friends. The only thing that makes a friend different from a boyfriend is sex.

3. “I just got out of a relationship”/”I’m not ready for a relationship”

Men, like women, want to feel mentally safe. One way they do that is by saying and claiming it. “I am your boyfriend” or “I would like to be your boyfriend” A man who really likes you will want you all to himself.

Women love to wait around for guys to get ready, but we always have to remember that we don’t have much time in this world. There is one exception, though: if you are 12 years old. When a guy tells you on a date that he is not looking for a serious relationship, take him at his word. He is telling you straight out that he will hurt your feelings if you want to be with him. When you are already working and in a relationship and he tells you after 2 years that he is still not ready, you have to assume that he won’t be ready after 6 years either.

4. “He doesn’t want to have sex with me because he’s tired”/ “I invited him over but he has some plans for tomorrow”

A friend called me recently and told me that her partner hasn’t wanted to have sex with her in the 8 months that they’ve been together. I had a visceral reaction. I was furious to the core when I heard the reasons this guy was giving my friend, which were all crap. My friend, as usual, was giving me reasons why this guy wasn’t doing it. Sex is very complicated; I could write about it for 24 hours straight on my blog. But I know that one of the best things in life is having sex. The last person who should be stopping you from doing that is the person you are dating. You have to learn the hard way that if a man likes you, he will already be taking your clothes off on your first date. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, things can be slow (no sex yet until you get to know each other), but you still have the right to a great sex life!!! Go have fun!!! Explore that god damn body! haha

5. “Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”

Here’s what I learned – if a guy really likes me and excited about me, he can’t stop himself, they want more. If they are friends with someone, they are going to take it further and please he’s not scared, the only scarier to a guy is what you think of him, or if you are not attracted to him.

6. “Maybe he’s intimated by me”/”Maybe you come in too strong”

I always hear these kinds of reasons. My friend told me that she went to a friend’s house and thought the gardener was hot, so she tried to flirt with him. He didn’t flirt back, so she said the guy must be afraid of her because of her status. It was so funny that I never would have thought this before. If that gardener really liked her, he would have flirted back, which happens even in porn. So, if you think someone is hot, no matter what their status is, He might need a little encouragement and help to see that you are interested, but he will do the rest. A smile will do. 😉

7. “Maybe he wants to take it slow”

I think I’ve used this reason before, hahaha! If a guy really likes you, he will tell you right away because the last thing he wants is for you to get upset and leave. So, a guy can work on himself and still be with you. He will not let you go because he wants you and wants you to be happy. I actually believe this. I get so nervous when it’s getting serious because I feel so open, but if I really like the guy, I’d tell him this because he’d probably make me feel safe to do so. Please never forget that.

8: “But he gave me his number”/”He says texting is not a thing anymore”

It’s actually a magic trick that gives you power when a guy gives you his number, but it’s really up to him to decide if he really wants to go out with you or call you back. Don’t call this guy.

I met this guy, and we had a great chat, but I haven’t heard from him in 4 days. He just sent me a message using an app. He only texts me when he’s bored, asked me out on very short notice, and then disappeared. I gave him my number to find out for sure if he likes me. And I was right, he didn’t text me and gave me an excuse! haha If a guy likes me, he will do whatever it takes to find a way to get in touch with me. Whether you’re texting on WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger, a guy who really wants you won’t let you think about anyone but him. He will call you so you think he is thinking of you. Men like to take a break from their usually boring day to talk to someone they like. They’re happy about it. When we went out for drinks, this similar guy didn’t offer to drive me home. I was sad walking home, and all I could think about was how the guys who really wanted me would grab me and drive me home because they make me feel safe. I didn’t go out on a date with him again.

9. “Maybe we’re just different”

Unless you’re dating a spy, this behavior is unwarranted. I like closeness. I wanted to speak to the person I like or text him everyday or see him. I remember a guy I used to date didn’t like to text but I told him from a place of really wanting closeness and from then he texted or called me to let me know he was thinking about me when we’re not together and I already knew he care about my feelings. And just for your information, phone seems like it’s just a machine that transmits voice waves over wires. But the truth is, the phone has officially reached a new high in relationship symbolism.

10. “I prayed about you and us”

This is really funny because the guy who told me about it turned out to be a total jerk. I was 29 when I started to wonder if I could find a good person. Finally, someone said it, so I thought that if he goes to church every day and talks about God, it would probably get to the point where we could get married and move on. Then he cheated on with more than one woman and lied over and over.

If a man tells you that God told him that you are his wife, don’t believe him. He could just be the devil in disguise. Just because a guy goes to church, uses Bible verses, and shouts “Praise God” doesn’t mean he is of God. There are guys out there who use God and spirituality to get women, which is sad. They are hiding their bad plans behind a pro-God front because they know it makes women trust them more. It’s not just what he says; what he does must also match up.

Understand that there are a lot of manipulative people living in this world and the God route is a great way to control women. If a man claims to have a strong spiritual bond with God, you need to pay attention what he does outside of the Church. Is his behavior consistent? How does he treat other people? etc

We will meet people who don’t enjoy sex, who don’t like to text, drive you home, fetch you and be in a relationship with you. We may spend time trying to fix them and make excuses why they do what they do or we can accept that they simply don’t like the things we find extremely crucial to our enjoyment of life. No matter how deep and true our feelings for someone, if a person cannot fully return and therefore can actively love you back, these sentiments mean nothing. It’s not bad news if it helps you remove yourself from a relationship that’s beneath you. Find someone who fulfills your standards, we don’t have much time in this world.

There are more excuses but will blog more about them next time.

Love,
Maria, sometimes Niskie