Disclaimer: All views expressed on this blog are my own based on my own experiences and do not represent of any entity with which I have been, are now or will be affiliated

March 19, 2022
Alabang, Muntinlupa

Despite not having a specific timeline for my romantic journey, I’ve been dedicating my time to crafting a relationship blog. Through this platform, I share tips on how to cultivate and sustain meaningful partnerships. Although I’ve faced inquiries such as, “Why are you still single?” or “Why haven’t you settled down or started a family yet?” I refuse to let these questions dictate my choices. I’m committed to following my own path, regardless of societal expectations.

I embarked on this journey from a place of clarity, knowing exactly what I wanted and needed in a life partner—qualities I have yet to find in someone. Despite my best efforts, I haven’t encountered the person who truly fits the bill. I wish it were as straightforward as finding the right match, it’s not that simple. Settling for someone often stems from a place of deep loneliness and despair. However, I refuse to settle for just anyone. I want to choose someone I am absolutely certain about, not merely to fill the void of loneliness.

Amidst the chorus of complaints about the challenges of dating, I can’t help but wonder—is it truly that arduous? Many individuals find themselves exhausted by the dating scene and disheartened by disappointing relationships stemming from unsuccessful dates. Some may even proudly declare their contentment with being single. However, I beg to differ. While it’s possible to find happiness while single, I believe true fulfillment comes from forming meaningful connections. Being perpetually single may offer temporary contentment, but it cannot sustain long-term happiness.

I remember once asking a friend, who was quite the serial dater, why he picked her out of all the girls he’d met. At that time, I was juggling multiple dates myself, unable to settle on just one. To be honest, I wouldn’t have chosen her for my friend—I could quickly pinpoint what I didn’t like about her. So, when he revealed his decision, I was taken aback. Where was the amazing sex I wondered? (Because let’s face it, when you’re single, sex should always be fantastic!) LOL. But what struck me the most was when he explained that he had finally decided to give it a shot with her. He assured me I’d understand when I was ready. At that moment, I found it utterly hilarious because all I could think was how foolish he seemed for choosing her. However, despite their relationship not working out, I eventually grasped what he meant.

When I consider my brother’s marriage and their day-to-day routine, it appears to be less romantic than all of my dating experiences combined. Romance and extravagant gestures are at the heart of dating. Being in a relationship or married to someone may appear to be boring, but I found that it is, for the most part, a condition of comfort and acceptance. It’s softly romantic – she makes him coffee, goes to the vet with him, they listen to each other, put up with one other’s foibles, and they are there for each other.

I’ve come to realize that despite my contentment with being single, there’s more to life than just great sex (though, let’s be honest, it’s still an important part!). This year, a sense of loneliness crept in unexpectedly, echoing the lyrics of Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams.” I have a fulfilling job, wonderful friends and family, adorable pets, a beautiful home, and plenty of dates. But what if I haven’t found “the one” yet? What if I never do? What’s even worse—is it possible that I’ve already met him without realizing it? It dawned on me that I’ve been selfish and fearful all along. I went on countless dates in pursuit of more experiences and adventures in life, often at the expense of others’ feelings. Instead of facing issues head-on, I would opt for an easy way out, hurting people in the process. Looking back, I now understand that people aren’t experiments to be tested.

Taking on too many tasks at once is a risky endeavor, and it’s been my reality for a long time. Even if I were to meet someone I truly clicked with, I wouldn’t know how to adjust my busy schedule to make room for them. Striking a balance has always been a challenge for me, and if I don’t learn to clear the decks in advance, I’ll inevitably find myself alone. I’ve come to realize that expecting someone to seamlessly fit into my life and accommodate my busy schedule is a recipe for relationship failure. That’s why I’m adopting new relationship habits, such as prioritizing the needs of others, practicing patience, and making an effort to accommodate their schedules whenever possible.

Also, we must stop using “dysfunctional childhoods” as an excuse for why we are dysfunctional as adults and mistreat those we claim to love or care about. The error I made was believing I was searching for a perfect partner; if a potential partner didn’t meet all of my requirements, I would move on to someone else. I recognized that perfect partners are not randomly selected. I simply need to choose an incredible match.

Everyone loves to say that when you elevate your standards, when you read, when you engage in self-improvement, and when you mature, your pool of people shrinks and it becomes difficult to meet someone on your level – I’ve said this a few times. Because I was so critical of others, everyone felt bad for me. But I do believe that the more accepting I have become of myself and my faults, my history, and the way I color my hair, the less disgust and shame I feel for certain things. When I began to accept who I am, I began to view others with less prejudice and began to become more receptive. I begin to recognize positive qualities in others. When I accept myself, it is difficult not to welcome others. Therefore, when I’m ready, more people become right.

This year has been a journey of growth and learning for me. I hope that this blog proves to be valuable in your own dating experiences. Life is truly remarkable. I used to believe I had endless time to pursue all my aspirations, but life is fleeting. Rather than seeking external sources of significance, I’ve begun to infuse meaning into my actions and decisions. By doing so, I feel more grounded and purposeful. I started this blog and embarked on this journey with the goal of finding the perfect partner, but along the way, I lost sight of why I began. Now, I’m reminded of the deeper purpose behind it all. Here’s to hoping we all find the right person for us. 🙂

Love,
Maria, sometimes Niskie